All the movies I thought my cat would like that she didn’t give a shit about

After discovering my cat, Bonkers, liked watching cat videos on YouTube, I thought what better way to entertain her than by showing her movies. Ben and I think we’re discerning film reviewers. Turns out we’re hacks compared to Bonks.

Here’s a list of movies I thought she’d enjoy, that Bonkers hated. Most she fell asleep during. Some caused her to leave the room. All were not up to her high standards.

Batman Returns
Why I thought Bonkers would like it: Obviously, any cat would identify with Michelle Pfeiffer’s iconic turn as Catwoman, right? She’s got attitude, sharp claws, and licks things.

catwoman.gif

Where I went wrong: Bonkers is an outdoor cat who battled the elements for who knows how long before we started feeding her and letting her sleep indoors. My theory is that she’s had fights with the bats living in the neighbors’ trees, so Batman brings back bad memories. This movie possibly traumatized her, because she’s been less friendly since viewing it.

The Mummy
Why I thought Bonkers would like it: All cats are aware that they were once worshiped by Ancient Egyptians. I presumed this look into feline-kind’s glorified past would be right up Bonkers’ alley. Also, I vaguely remembered Brendan Fraser scaring off the mummy with a cat.

mummy

Where I went wrong: Not enough talk about cats. Fraser does use a cat to chase off the mummy, but it’s one short scene with passing reference to felines guarding the underworld or something. Also, I think Bonkers, like myself, gets sad watching Brendan Fraser knowing that he may or may not be broke now.

Finding Nemo
Why I thought Bonkers would like it: Cats like watching fish swim around, right? (I really don’t know what cats like. I mean, I’m showing her movies.)

findingnemo

Where I went wrong: “Fish are friends, not food.” We feed her tuna every night. She obviously thinks this whole movie is a joke.

The Little Mermaid
Why I thought Bonkers would like it: See: Finding Nemo. Also, Bonkers is an unapologetic feminist. I thought she’d appreciate this animated classic, and we could later discuss whether Ariel can be viewed as a feminist icon or not.

littlemermaid

Where I went wrong: The glorification of fish strikes again. Even the horrific “Les Poisson” didn’t interest Bonkers. As for our discussion of contemporary feminism– Ben tells me cats don’t talk, which is false. Bonkers talks all the time, she just disagrees with my views on Ariel’s agency and doesn’t want to discuss it further.

To Kill a Mockingbird
Why I thought Bonkers would like it: Honestly, I thought I could slip this one by her on title alone.

tkam.gif

Where I went wrong: Bonkers is much smarter than this. She may also have complicated feelings about Go Set A Watchman.

You know what she did like, though? The People vs. O.J. Simpson. She’s obviously plotting to kill us.

cat people vs oj simpson american crime story

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